I step down from the bus. I don’t know what it was, how it happened. Every time I touch my lips with my tongue, I could taste strawberry-flavored lipstick. The feeling of lips touching, I remember that glimpse again and again in my mind. I could not forget what she whispered right after our kiss, ‘Raghav, I really like you’ and she winked. She also told me that, ‘It was the first time she kissed somebody, with you it felt perfect moment.’ I was happy when I entered home. I was not alone anymore; she was in my mind all the time. While eating my food, I imagined her on the other side of the table. Yes, she completes me after daydreaming a lot, repeating that feeling again and again in my mind. I started imagining us getting older. I know I was getting crazy, that I thought about her so much in a day. I kept repeating her name in my mind. I kept on thinking about her, I was so excited to meet her tomorrow. I watched the clock. It was 3 AM. Sh*t, I have to sleep. I was in bed and the bed felt soft, just like her lips.
I wore my favorite shirt in which I think I look my best. I combed my hair, the last time I combed my hair, it was ages ago. I took a glance in the mirror. Hell yeah! I look smart. I was on time for class, expecting her to be there. Everyone was there but not her. My eyes were stuck at the door, searching for her every single second, and then doors opened, and my heartbeat increased. It was the professor, lecture started. My mood suddenly became blue. It was 45 minutes since the class began. Professor asked, “Raghav, answer the question?” Sh*t, I don’t even know what the question was. He shouted at me and requested me to pay attention. I told myself,” I couldn’t sir, my mind is somewhere else”. I went home, with a heavy heart and sadness. Everything happened so fast that we didn’t exchange the number.
Fresh morning, I went to class 30 minutes prior. I wanted to know what happened?. Why she didn’t come yesterday?. The lecture started, f*** she didn’t even come today. I asked the receptionist to call her, and she replied, “We don’t have her number, plus she has not paid the fees yet.” “Shut up, you b*tch,” I told myself. I asked her for the address. She replied, “No, Raghav we can’t give. It’s against the policy, our data is confidential. After spending 15 minutes talking good things about her, she finally gave the address. I went to her place, it was locked. I asked their neighbors where she is? They had no idea. I came home with loneliness, sadness, tears, and pain in my heart. I wonder what people used to do before the invention of mobile and the Internet. A few days passed, and no sign of her. I stopped shaving. Only one thing was alive, the feeling of her lips touching mine. Like I said before my previous girl made me suffer a lot.
I moved to South Mumbai. Years passed, no sign of her. The new house, new place, and new surroundings made me feel better. I had many friends but still, I chose to stay alone just like before but now I live with the thoughts of Jitiksha. Again bad days end. I accidentally spilled my coffee on her assignment. After lots of apologies, I looked at her. Here comes Srushti, a sweet, simple girl, short in height, fair, and skinny, her curly blunt-dyed hair looked great on her. She stared at me angrily but then she said, “It’s okay, I haven’t yet started writing much, most of them are blank papers”. As our eyes met, there was a spark.
I thought it was a new chance but we ended in a month. There are plenty of reasons we broke up like she hates the sight of me talking to other girls, I can’t be with friends who smoke, I have to update her every two hours, like What I am doing? Where am I? What will I do? Everything. To be with her was like, I am a criminal and have to report to the police station every hour but after all, she was a caring girl. In my mind, I was already in a desert looking for water but Srushti was the quicksand in the desert. There were many fights among us for every small thing and I ended by saying, “I don’t think we are good for each other.” SLAP! She cried and ran away. Later, I realized that I was her fourth boyfriend of her and all the boys left her for the same reason but I was the only one who ended up getting a slap from her.
After two girls, I thought I am not fit for the relationships. So I thought I will live in my imaginary world, so I made my girl’s prototype. How will she look? What qualities will she have? No need to search for love again. In the end, all this made me feel sad, demotivated, and depressed. I had decided that I will live with my virtual girl and be happy. I started writing my blog and my imaginary girl on word press. I started going to the gym to be back to normal and to be fit. And that’s when I met Bhavana, my dream girl was actually standing in front of me. After noticing her from the corner of my eyes every day. One day she came to me, “Hi, I am Bhavana and you can talk to me, you don’t have to write blogs about me.” Sh*t, she reads my blog. “I loved that you described me so well in your blog but I am not what you think.” I was continuously blushing. Just to break her daydreaming thoughts. I told her, “You are not the one for whom I write my blogs but for the girl in my dreams, and apparently seems like you might have the same likes and dislikes as her”. She blushed. She winked and we were friends.
We spent a lot of time together at coffee shops, restaurants, etc. She dropped me a message with her address with the message, ”Can you please come?” I went to Bhavana’s place. The door was open, and I found her on the sofa, she covered her face with her palms, I called her name “Bhavana” She looked up, her face was red and tears flowing from her eyes made black trails of lines because of collyrium, she came running to me, hugged me tightly, she was crying for hours because of…
(To be Continued…)
Gaurav Rajai 
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